Deer Peer Column 02/14/13

Dear Peer,
I’m coming to the end of my sophomore year of college and I have to say that I’m
quite surprised my girlfriend back home is still my girlfriend. We’ve been together since our
sophomore year of high school. I love her a lot but lately things have been kind of stressful
between us. She decided to go to school in Philadelphia and I came to Baltimore so neither one
of us is in Jersey where we met, but when we both go home for breaks, that’s the only time we
see each other. I do a lot on campus now so I have less time to talk to her. I guess that has made
her a bit insecure because she has just gotten quite jealous all of a sudden. She now questions
me if I don’t answer my cell or respond to her text right away. “Where are you? What are you
doing? Who are you with? Have you met someone else?” As much as I try to reassure her that
I’m busy with school stuff, she responds the same way when it happens again. We had a good
relationship up until now but she is straight driving me crazy. What do you think I should do? I
still love her but we both need to stay focused and I feel like the distance it now tearing us apart.
I hope you have something for me because I’m fresh out of ideas.

 

Thanks in Advance,

Guy Wholoveshisgirl

 

Dear Guy,

We all know that long distance relationships can be challenging. Trust issues almost always develop
when you don’t see each other and so much is unknown about what each of you is doing. But you’ve
been together a long time! We suggest you start by reflecting on what you like (and love) about each
other and what has kept you together . You sound committed to her—but love is not enough! There
must be a good foundation for this relationship to have had it last 4 years already. What has worked to
keep you together? We also wonder what has happened recently that caused a change in the level of
trust and insecurity. Maybe you’ve given her the feeling that you’re not as interested? Or maybe she’s
not as interested and is looking for a way out?

Here are some ideas (since you asked):

  • Designate at least a few minutes each day to contact each other. Try using skype, google facetime, or some other app that lets you see as well as talk to her.
  • Tell her what you’ve told us about how important this relationship is to you. Discuss with her how you feel about the long distance problem and what you want to do about it.

If you’re only 19 or 20, maybe you really are growing apart. Since high school you might have changed

in directions that do take you away from each other. Maybe it’s time to move on. It might be that
you’re missing something by limiting your social relationships in college.

You need to assess the relationship honestly to see if it’s still working for you. If you both decide it’s
worth it, we think you can stay together. But if one of you has doubts, it can cause tension and more
than geographical distance.

If this relationship does end, of course it will be sad for both of you but might open up new
opportunities for the person you’re becoming.

Do you have a question about some drama or problem in your life? Sometimes the best ear is your
peer! Send your letter to Dear Peer in care of MSUpeercounselors@gmail.com .

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